A helicopter actually flies just like a fixed wing aircraft. Well, it uses the same laws of physics. If you can just get an airfoil to travel through the air fast enough, it will generate lift. To do this in a fixed wing aircraft you have to get the whole aircraft trundling down the runway at a great rate of knots and then jam its tail downwards and, if you're lucky -- up she goes. If not, well, if you can't take a joke you shouldn't have joined.

In a helicopter, it's slightly different. Instead of getting the whole aircraft to move, you just spin the wing as fast as you can and the thing defies all known laws of gravity and goes up. It should, of course, screw itself into the ground.

Now, notice. In a fixed wing aircraft, both wings are going in the same direction. This is good. In a helicopter, both (or more) wings are NEVER going in the same direction, and only for a smidgins of time is any one wing ever going in the direction the helicopter is traveling. This is not good.

The hover is probably the most difficult maneuver to do on a helicopter - it's level difficulty is only surpassed by - flying in a straight line, going up, coming down, turning, taking off, landing, and a few others. In the hover, the helicopter must remain stationary at the same altitude.

The control methods for keeping a helicopter stationery are quite different than when making it move. Once you have completed this remarkable feat and have actually got the thing off the ground, you will want to hover it for a while. This is what you do. NEVER, NEVER, hold any control stick in the same place. To do so will spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R with a capital "C" for Crash. Just keep moving all the sticks around until the helicopter comes into control. This activity usually gives you an excellent excuse to go buy another kit, then another, then another.

So, moving right along. You are now on your fifth (model, bottle, whatever) by this time. And now you actually want to make the helicopter go somewhere, other than straight in, of course. Here's where you completely change your control strategy. Once up in the air. Oh, and don't bother trying to hover - you probably can't afford another new kit. Once up in the air, put the stick in a set position and hold it there. Watch what the helicopter does. If you ever want it to do this again, that is where you put the stick. Simple really.

Yes, you would think that the original designers of helicopters would have made them different. Even now the manufactures of helicopters don't have much faith in them - they install wheels, floats, skis so you do have at least a fighting chance of bringing it in somewhere, safely.

Ah, well. Just some thoughts about helicopters from a dedicated fixed wing pilot.